For a more relaxed reading, I will share with you a short story, that happened to me not so long ago in Shanghai, mostly and only because of my stupidity and naivety, as usual. It happened one Sunday in the month of February, during the Chinese New Year 2022 celebrations. My friend Ken, from China, and I were about to go out for the third night in a row. Before going to the club KOR that night, we met for some snacks in bar called LaSuite, but… I had something else planned earlier that evening. It was a date. Not exactly a normal date.
The featured image of this post shows the same feelings I had after that date. All you can do after is – hit the head with a fist, smile and move on! I took this selfie on October 30, 2022 in a quarantine hotel, while writing this post and spending the seventh day out of ten-day quarantine as a measure of possible close contact with a Covid-19 infected person.
It’s no secret that like many other singles, I also occasionally use the popular Tinder dating app. This was recently joined by a new app called Bumble. However, there are probably many more apps on the internet, having the same purpose of use. Although such apps raise concerns and a negative sound in many, in my opinion such apps can also be very useful and welcome. Although communication in the initial phase only takes place through screens with a person you have not (usually) seen in person before, I believe that such apps still encourage socializing and force people to go out and create new social contacts, opening doors to those a little more shy as well. Of course, it is up to each user, what approach they will take and what they want, and whether they will act respectfully and honestly towards others users or not. The biggest reason I use it, is the way I live. Living abroad is often not so simple, there are moments when you don’t know anyone. Going into the world alone and meeting people is no problem for me. But, when you live in a big and vibrant city as Shanghai – where the days go by too quickly and, most of the time, there is no time for regular social engagement and meeting new people – such apps can help a bit, I think.
I first heard about Tinder app 7 years ago, when I was living in Istanbul, where I worked as a model. The app was presented to me by my friend Julien from France, with whom we had a contract at the same fashion agency from Istanbul – Art Room. We also shared an apartment for models back then. Since then I have been using this app, sometimes more, sometimes less or not at all. In the last 7 years since I’ve been using it, I’ve decided to go on a, let us say, “Tinder date” less than 15 times. That’s about two ” Tinder dates” in a whole year. Not a big deal, right? Out of all these, I wished only two or three would not have happened. With others dates I only had positive experiences, some of them have even turned into great friendship. The one, I wish would never happened, I will describe in the following sentences.
As I mentioned at the beginning, one Sunday during the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) holidays, a good friend and I agreed to go to a party for the third night in a row. I, a little under the influence of last night still, woke up late into the day. My productivity was “zero” that day. It was late in the afternoon, when I still lay in bed, with a heavy head and an empty stomach. Out of boredom I started using Tinder, swiping left, right. Right, for girls I liked and left, for those who weren’t exactly my type. On Tinder, of course, you can only decide, if swiping left or right on someone, on the basis of pictures. Unfortunately, person’s most important characteristics, as the character and energy, are impossible to know or recognize. Sadly, this is how this apps work. There is no other way. You have to risk it, show up in live and see how the date goes. “You have a match” popped out. I texted the girl and we started the conversation. Quick, short sentences, from both sides. Surprisingly, within a few minutes the date was confirmed. Surprisingly, because in recent years I have been difficult to arrange a date. It was different, of course, back in my twenties, when there were unimaginably more dates compared to today. Nevertheless, this time I decided in a flash – actually both of us – and we agreed to meet in an hour or two later. I quickly went under the shower, get dressed, ordered a taxi and headed downtown. The place where we met was in the strict center of Shanghai, a few blocks from the popular Bund area, in the old part of the city, right next to the famous and most crowded street, Nanjing Road. We met at eight in the evening. Earlier, on Tinder, I told her, I could only stay up to 45 minutes, as I was later scheduled to have dinner with a friend, about 4 kilometers away.
When there, I recognized her immediately. Her appearance matched the images on the app, which is always a good start. We introduced each others and went down the old streets – in the direction of small street restaurants with a variety of food and drinks: from simple snacks, drinks, ice cream… to restaurants with more sophisticated, slow food. I asked her, if she is thirsty and if she wants to go for a quick drink, as we don’t have time for something more. Despite me repeating, I only have half an hour and I don’t have time for a dinner, she kept forcing us to go eat anyway. Suddenly, before I knew it, she entered an old house typical of that part of the city, inside which the restaurant was. I followed her. The stairs were narrow, and the ceilings were low, so I had to bend down so I didn’t hit my head. We were the only ones in the restaurant. Everything was empty. Business certainly didn’t go well for that restaurant, at least not that night. The waitress walked us to a special room with only one table and handed us the menu. My date asked me what I like to eat? “I’m not picky, I eat all”, I replied and once again mentioned that we only have time for some small food, because I’m in a hurry. We ordered beer first. I trusted her the menu and she ordered some other things, speaking Chinese, of course. While we were waiting for food, we were getting to know each other. I forgot her name by now, but I still remember she’s from Harbin, from far north of China, and she’s in Shanghai on vacation for a few days. She is a mother of two and divorced. The reason for the divorce was her being overweight right after the birth of a second child, she said, which her (then) husband didn’t like and demanded a divorce. We talked. Every once in a while, I told her I had to leave soon. To my surprise different kind of dishes started coming to the table, one after another. I asked her, why she ordered so much, as she knew, we only have 20 minutes or so. There was no explicit answer to this. The waitress served oysters and a whole fish, a huge crab and some vegetables. She also brought a bottle of red wine to the table and poured it into a beautifully designed bead made especially for wines. The food was excellent, I can’t argue about this, and the wine was sweet and very easy to drink. Still, I didn’t enjoy the food, because I kept looking at the clock. I was already running late. I needed to leave. I apologized to her and asked the waitress for the bill. There was still quite a lot of food on the table. I never waste food, so I started eating and drinking (even) faster. I was expecting a bill of about 600 RMB (about 80 euros), and then it hit me like a bolt of lightning. The waitress gave the bill for a 6400 RMB (approx 880 EUR), which is 10 times more than I expected. My eyes blacked out for a moment. In case I misunderstood her, I asked in Chinese again: “how much?”. No, it wasn’t a mistake, the bill was really that high. I asked my Tinder lady on the opposite side of the table, what for god sake she ordered, and the waitress replied that the wine alone cost almost 400 euros. I had the money, but I got mad and I hardly control myself. I couldn’t do anything. The bill was issued, and all we (she) ordered was nicely marked and equipped with prices. At first, I thought to call the police, but as a foreigner, the restaurant would easily turn the words in its favor, and the bill was credible. She said, she didn’t have much money with her and that she could only make a small contribution. I paid the bill, ate what was left and stormed out of the restaurant angry. She was trying to keep up the step with me, asking from behind, if I want to see her again some other day, when we’d have more time. Thinking, it must be a joke, I shouted to her direction: “What do you think?”, said goodbye and left. I ordered a cab and met a friend, who was already waiting.
The more I thought about it, the more it seemed that everything was set up between her and the restaurant. That night I definitely broke two of my records, one as – the fastest dinner I ever had, and the other – as the most expensive one. I learned my lesson with this one.